Here’s a not-so fun fact: Approximately 40-50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. While there are numerous contributing factors, research consistently points to a lack of healthy relationship habits as a major culprit.
So, are you dating a “keeper” or someone who might eventually lead to heartache? This article cuts through the fluff and delivers eight science-backed habits that signal you’re in a healthy, thriving partnership.
Get ready to identify those green flags and learn what it truly means to build a relationship that lasts.
1) Consistent and Respectful Communication
Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about connecting. A partner who actively listens, validates your feelings, and communicates their own needs respectfully is showing a major green flag.
Consider this: do they interrupt you often, or do they wait until you’re finished speaking before offering their thoughts? Do they use “I feel” statements to express themselves, or do they resort to blaming?
Healthy communication is fundamental for a lasting partnership. Research shows that couples who communicate effectively report higher levels of satisfaction and intimacy.
You should also check out relationship resilience, as it is really important for a long-lasting relationship.
2) Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and recognize those of others.
A partner with high EQ demonstrates empathy, compassion, and the ability to navigate conflict constructively. Do they try to understand your perspective, even when they disagree? Are they able to apologize sincerely and take responsibility for their actions?
A partner lacking in empathy might dismiss your feelings or struggle to see things from your point of view. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, couples with higher levels of emotional intelligence are better equipped to handle stress and maintain a strong bond.
Do you know the signs your relationship is built to last? These are questions you should ask yourself to increase relationship quality.
3) Independent Identities and Mutual Support
A healthy relationship doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means maintaining your individual identity while supporting each other’s goals and dreams. I know, it’s a delicate dance!
Several years ago, I dated someone who became completely enmeshed in my life. He abandoned his hobbies, stopped seeing his friends, and seemed to define himself solely through our relationship.
While it felt flattering initially, it quickly became suffocating. Maintaining separate interests and friendships is crucial for individual well-being and prevents codependency.
Science backs this up too. Research shows that couples who maintain a healthy balance of independence and interdependence report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and are less likely to experience relationship burnout.
A supportive partner celebrates your successes, encourages your passions, and allows you the space to grow as an individual, without jealousy.
4) Healthy Conflict Resolution Skills
A study by the Gottman Institute found that the key to successful conflict resolution is to maintain a ratio of positive to negative interactions, even during disagreements.
We can all agree that conflict is inevitable in any relationship. It’s not about avoiding disagreements, but about how you handle them.
A partner who engages in constructive conflict resolution is a keeper. This means addressing issues calmly, focusing on solutions rather than blame, and being willing to compromise.
Red flags include stonewalling (withdrawing from the conversation), name-calling, or bringing up past grievances. Moreover, never say certain phrases to your partner, as it will only ignite the situation even more.
5) Shared Values and Future Goals
While you don’t have to agree on everything, having shared core values and a compatible vision for the future is essential for long-term compatibility.
Do you share similar beliefs about family, career, finances, and lifestyle?
A few years ago, a friend of mine dated someone who seemed perfect on the surface. However, they soon realized they had fundamentally different views on marriage and children.
She envisioned a traditional family, while he was adamantly opposed to both. While love and attraction are important, differing values can lead to significant conflict and resentment down the road.
It’s also important to note the daily habits that create lasting love, to make sure your relationship is on track. Remember, compatibility is about more than just shared interests; it’s about aligning on the things that truly matter.
6) Trust and Honesty
Trust is the bedrock of any strong relationship. Without it, everything else crumbles.
And according to research, trust is strongly correlated with relationship satisfaction, commitment, and overall well-being.
A partner who is consistently honest, reliable, and transparent is demonstrating a vital green flag.
Do they keep their promises? Are they open and forthcoming about their thoughts and feelings? Do they respect your boundaries and avoid behaviors that erode trust, such as lying or being secretive?
You’ll need to answer these questions truthfully, as well.
7) Respect for Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining individuality and preventing resentment in a relationship.
A partner who respects your boundaries, both physical and emotional, is showing a significant green flag. Do they respect your need for alone time? Do they refrain from pressuring you to do things you’re not comfortable with? Do they listen when you express your limits and adjust their behavior accordingly?
On the other hand, a partner who consistently disregards your boundaries may be exhibiting controlling or manipulative tendencies.
Setting clear boundaries from the outset is crucial for establishing a healthy dynamic. If you wish to revitalize relationships with new things, you and your partner should have clear boundaries.
8) Effort and Investment
Relationships require consistent effort from both partners.
A partner who actively invests in the relationship is demonstrating commitment and a desire to make it last. Are they willing to put in the time and energy to nurture the connection? Do they plan dates, express their appreciation, and make an effort to resolve conflicts?
Meanwhile, a partner who is disengaged or takes the relationship for granted may be signaling a lack of long-term investment.
A happy relationship consists of effort and investment from both partners. Sometimes couples experience dry-spells so here are some tips on how to reconnect after an intimacy dry spell.
Speaking of effort, sometimes a little “spice” can go a long way in keeping things interesting. Consider exploring something like The 5 Love Languages(affiliate link), to help you and your partner understand how to best express and receive affection.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
Parting Thoughts
Navigating the complexities of modern relationships can feel overwhelming, but by recognizing these green flags, you can better assess the health and potential of your partnership.
A relationship built on mutual respect, open communication, shared values, and consistent effort has a far greater chance of thriving in the long run.
Remember, choosing a partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. By prioritizing these science-backed habits, you’re investing in your own happiness and well-being.
Ultimately, you are responsible for your happiness and it is empowering to take charge of your well-being, regardless of your relationship status.
With over 15 years of experience in sex education and therapy, Sarah Bennett has dedicated her career to empowering individuals and couples to build fulfilling, intimate connections. As a passionate advocate for open, informed discussions about sexuality, Sarah combines expertise with a compassionate, yet straightforward approach. You can find her with a book on her favorite park bench during her down time.
