Ever wonder why some couples seem to effortlessly glide through life together while others crash and burn? It’s tempting to chalk it up to “compatibility,” that elusive magic ingredient we’re all told to seek.
But what if I told you lasting relationships habits have less to do with finding your perfect match and more to do with cultivating specific behaviors? Yes, you heard that right.
Compatibility is overrated; actionable habits are the secret sauce.
Let’s delve into these science-backed habits, and equip you with practical tools to enhance your intimacy and sexual well-being to improve your long term relationship, one habit at a time.
1) Prioritizing Bids for Connection
Think of your relationship as a bank account. Every time you turn toward your partner – acknowledging a bid for connection – you’re making a deposit. Ignoring or turning away is a withdrawal.
Bids for connection can be as simple as a shared glance, a playful nudge, or even a request to watch a specific TV show together. The key is recognizing these moments and responding positively.
Neglecting these small opportunities can accumulate, leading to feelings of neglect and disconnection. Prioritizing bids for connection is not about grand gestures; it’s about consistently acknowledging and valuing your partner’s presence.
So, next time your partner asks about your day, put down your phone and actively listen. It’s one of the most important lasting relationships habits to practice.
2) Mastering the Art of Repair Attempts
Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, but what separates thriving couples from those on the brink is their ability to make and accept repair attempts.
These are actions or statements intended to de-escalate tension during a conflict. A repair attempt could be a joke, an apology, or even a simple “Can we take a break and come back to this later?”
The goal is to signal that you value the relationship more than winning the argument. Accepting these repair attempts is equally important. Don’t let pride or stubbornness get in the way of resolving conflict and moving forward.
See repair attempts as olive branches, extending them and accepting them gracefully. Embracing this habit allows partners to navigate conflicts effectively, fostering resilience and solidifying their bond.
Make it a point to listen intently and offer a genuine apology.
3) Cultivating Shared Meaning and Purpose
Beyond the initial spark, lasting relationships are built on a foundation of shared values and goals. This doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything, but it does mean having a sense of shared purpose that binds you together.
- Do you both value family?
- Are you passionate about social justice?
- Do you dream of traveling the world together?
Talking about these things isn’t enough, you have to act on it. For example, my partner and I volunteer at a local animal shelter every other weekend. It reinforces our shared love for animals and gives us something meaningful to do together outside of our daily routines.
Couples should actively cultivate shared meaning and purpose by engaging in activities that resonate with their values and strengthen their connection. One day you’ll be able to look back on these shared experiences with joy. To boost your connection check out these 50 questions.
It’s about finding common ground that fuels your relationship and gives it direction.
I found myself once struggling to connect with my partner who, at the time, was not engaged with my passion for environmental conservation. One day, while discussing our values, we discovered a shared interest in sustainable living.
That small revelation led us to participate in local clean-up events, starting a community garden, and reducing our carbon footprint, bringing us together and strengthening our bond.
Discovering a shared passion, even in an unexpected area, can be a catalyst for rekindling passion and building a more profound connection.
4) Practicing Gratitude and Appreciation
It’s easy to take your partner for granted, especially after years of being together. But expressing gratitude and appreciation is crucial for maintaining positive feelings and preventing resentment from building.
Regularly acknowledge your partner’s efforts, both big and small. A simple “Thank you for making dinner” or “I really appreciate you listening to me” can go a long way.
Make it a habit to verbalize your appreciation daily, and consider writing each other notes of gratitude occasionally.
Don’t underestimate the power of actively noticing and acknowledging the positive aspects of your partner and your relationship. This simple act of gratitude can transform your relationship dynamic, fostering feelings of love, respect, and commitment.
Couples that are more grateful are more connected, and more connected partners also tend to have stronger connections to their sexual life.
5) Embracing Growth and Individuality
Lasting relationships are not about merging into one entity; they’re about supporting each other’s individual growth and evolution.
Encourage your partner to pursue their passions, even if they differ from your own. Provide a safe space for them to explore their interests and express their individuality.
Recognize that people change over time, and be willing to adapt and evolve alongside your partner. This means having open and honest conversations about your needs, desires, and expectations.
Don’t try to stifle your partner’s growth or force them to fit into a pre-defined mold. Embrace their unique qualities and celebrate their individual achievements. This allows both partners to flourish, creating a dynamic and fulfilling relationship that stands the test of time.
It can be exciting to grow together, and if you have a need for something more than just a growth relationship.
“There is no greatness where there is no simplicity, goodness, and truth.”
If you’re looking for a way to delve deeper into these habits and other strategies for building a lasting and fulfilling relationship, consider reading The Seven Principles For Making Marriages Work (affiliate link). It offers practical advice and insights based on years of research.
Conclusion
Lasting relationships aren’t built on grand gestures or fairy-tale romance—they’re sustained by the quiet, consistent habits that science confirms matter most.
These five strategies are more than just tools. They’re the blueprint for transforming fleeting sparks into enduring warmth.
The research is clear: love thrives when couples treat their bond like a living thing that needs daily care, not a trophy to dust off occasionally. It’s not about avoiding conflict or chasing perfection, but about creating a partnership where both people feel safe to grow, stumble, and grow again.
So tonight, skip the pressure to “fix” everything. Instead, choose one habit to focus on. Maybe it’s asking, “How can I support you today?” instead of defaulting to autopilot, or carving out 10 minutes to laugh over a shared memory. The smallest shifts often ripple into the biggest changes.
After all, the greatest love stories aren’t written in dramatic plot twists—they’re crafted in the quiet, science-backed moments where two people choose to keep choosing each other. Here’s to building something that lasts.
With over 15 years of experience in sex education and therapy, Sarah Bennett has dedicated her career to empowering individuals and couples to build fulfilling, intimate connections. As a passionate advocate for open, informed discussions about sexuality, Sarah combines expertise with a compassionate, yet straightforward approach. You can find her with a book on her favorite park bench during her down time.
