In the realm of intimate relationships, communication is key to enhancing your connection with your partner.
Yet, in the heat of the moment, words can sometimes escape us all too easily, often with unintended consequences.
These certain phrases, when uttered during sexual intercourse, can disrupt the moment and have lasting negative effects.
This topic is not just about avoiding specific words but also about fostering a more supportive and pleasurable environment for both partners. By identifying these common pitfalls, you can improve your sexual experiences and strengthen your relationship.
Let’s delve into these seven phrases that are best left unsaid during intimate moments.
1) “My ex used to do it this way.”
One of the quickest ways to dampen a romantic encounter is to compare your partner to someone else.
Imagine being in the midst of an intimate moment, only to hear, “My ex used to do it this way.” Such comments can instantly shift the mood from passionate to awkward, leaving your partner feeling inadequate or insecure.
Individuals who have been on the receiving end of such remarks felt a lasting impact. Comparisons can breed resentment and self-doubt, which are detrimental to a healthy sexual relationship.
What you can do is to focus on what you appreciate about your current partner. Expressing genuine admiration can enhance the emotional and physical connection you share.
2) “Have you thought about working out more?”
It’s no secret that many people have insecurities about their bodies, especially in vulnerable moments like sex.
Commenting on your partner’s body in a negative way can be incredibly damaging.
Relationships indeed suffer because of offhand remarks like, “Have you thought about working out more?” or “You look different than you did when we first met.”
Instead of focusing on perceived flaws, celebrate your partner’s uniqueness. A great way to build intimacy is by sharing what you find attractive about each other. Compliments can boost confidence and create a more relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere.
Consider this quote by renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown: “What we know matters, but who we are matters more.”
3) “This is getting boring.”
Sex should be a time of exploration and connection, not criticism. Saying something like, “This is getting boring,” can be a significant blow to your partner’s self-esteem.
If you’re feeling unsatisfied, it’s crucial to approach the topic with sensitivity and care.
Open communication is vital, but timing and delivery are everything. Instead of voicing dissatisfaction during the act, consider discussing your desires and fantasies outside the bedroom.
As relationships evolve, so do sexual preferences, and it’s okay to explore new things together. By framing the conversation positively, you can work together to keep your sex life exciting and fulfilling for both parties.
Keep the dialogue open and positive, aiming to deepen the connection rather than distance yourselves.
4) “How many people have you done this with?”
Bringing up past sexual partners or experiences during intercourse can create an uncomfortable and awkward atmosphere.
Phrases such as, “How many people have you done this with?” can provoke feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Trust is a foundational element in any relationship, and questioning your partner’s past can undermine it.
It’s important to remember that everyone has a past, and focusing on it during an intimate moment can detract from the present experience.
Let me emphasize to focus on the present and what you can learn from each other. If you’re curious about their past, have an open and honest conversation at a more appropriate time. A great way to foster intimacy is by exploring new experiences together.
For instance, introducing a product like the We-Vibe Sync, a couples vibrator designed to enhance mutual pleasure, can be a fun way to explore and connect.
5) “I know you love this.”
Assuming you know exactly what your partner wants without asking can lead to miscommunication and dissatisfaction. Everyone’s preferences can change from day to day, and what worked yesterday might not be the same today.
Saying something like, “I know you love this,” without checking in can dismiss your partner’s current feelings or desires.
Preferences can change over time, and what was once enjoyable may no longer be. You can enhance your sexual connection by engaging in a dialogue about likes and dislikes, and pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues.
Creating an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs can lead to a more satisfying sexual experience.
It can be as simple as, “Does this feel good?” or “How can I make this better for you?” Through my work, I’ve seen how such questions foster a deeper understanding and connection.
To enhance these conversations, consider incorporating tools like the Lovers’ Communication Game, which offers prompts and activities to help couples express their desires and boundaries effectively.
6) “This is just physical for me.”
Sex is not just a physical act but also an emotional experience. Statements such as, “This is just physical for me,” can leave your partner feeling disconnected or undervalued.
It’s essential to acknowledge the emotional aspect of intimacy, which can deepen your bond. By sharing your feelings and vulnerabilities, you create a space for emotional closeness.
Remember, intimacy is a two-way street, and both partners should feel emotionally fulfilled. Acknowledging the importance of emotional connection can transform your sexual relationship into a more meaningful experience.
7) “We need to talk about your spending habits.”
The bedroom is not the place to bring up that argument about whose turn it is to do the dishes. Bringing up unrelated issues during sex can interrupt the mood and intimacy, and even detrimental to your intimate connection.
Such a line, “We need to talk about your spending habits,” or anything non-intimate, during intercourse can distract from the moment and create tension.
Allow yourself to be present in the moment with your partner. As I often say to clients, “Be present with each other; there will always be time for chores.”
If there are pressing issues to discuss, set aside a specific time to address them when both partners can be fully present and attentive.
Keeping your sexual experiences focused on pleasure and connection can reinforce the positive aspects of your relationship.
Focus on the connection at hand, and save logistical conversations for later. This shows respect for the shared intimate space and enhances the emotional bond you have with your partner.
Nurturing intimacy through words and care
Words hold incredible power, especially during moments of intimacy. What you say—or don’t say—can either deepen your connection or create a barrier.
By being mindful of your language and focusing on phrases that uplift, reassure, and show genuine care, you create a safe space where both you and your partner can fully express yourselves and enjoy the vulnerability of being together.
Remember, intimacy isn’t just about the physical act; it’s about emotional connection and mutual respect.
As Maya Angelou so beautifully said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This truth is magnified in intimate moments, where the way you make your partner feel can linger long after the moment has passed.
By avoiding hurtful phrases and choosing words that build trust, excitement, and love, you nurture not only your partner’s confidence but also the bond that brings you together.
Every interaction is an opportunity to grow closer, to show your appreciation, and to celebrate the unique connection you share.
Lila Anderson is an intimacy expert providing accessible and inclusive education on sexual health and relationships. Known for her engaging and down-to-earth approach, Lila has worked with individuals, schools, and community organizations to foster informed, open conversations. She wants to empower people with the knowledge they need to make confident, healthy decisions, and to create a world where everyone feels equipped to explore and understand their sexuality and relationships. Although she’s still in her 3rd year of practice, she has been well-loved by her friends and acquiantances for being so relatable and down to earth.
