Lasting longer in the bed can be a common goal for many individuals seeking to enhance their sexual experiences.
You are not alone on this: there are individuals who have faced similar challenges and have found that the key often lies in understanding both physical and psychological aspects of arousal and endurance.
Whether you’re looking to deepen your connection with a partner or simply improve your own satisfaction, there are various techniques that can be explored to help prolong your performance in bed.
Today, I invite you to explore five practical techniques that you can try tonight to help you last longer and enjoy a more fulfilling sexual experience. Up for it?
1) Discover the power of the pause
Have you ever noticed how much control you can gain simply by pausing and taking a deep breath? It may sound simple, but pausing during sex can be a game-changer.
This technique, often referred to as edging, involves stopping just before climax to reduce arousal and then resuming when you feel more in control. By practicing edging, you can learn to recognize the sensations that precede orgasm and become more adept at managing them.
Start by paying attention to your body’s signals and taking a short break when you feel close to climaxing. Use this time to focus on your partner or change the rhythm of your movements.
Remember, this is not about denying pleasure but rather enhancing it by building anticipation and control.
2) Mindfulness matters
“Mindfulness is a way to befriend ourselves and our experience,” says Jon Kabat-Zinn, a renowned mindfulness teacher.
So, what is mindfulness? In essence, mindfulness state of active, open attention to the present.
For sure you haven’t really thought about it, but applying mindfulness to your sexual encounters can significantly improve your endurance.
Being present in the moment allows you to focus on your sensations without being overwhelmed by them.
To practice this, start by tuning into your breath and the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Let go of distracting thoughts and center your attention on your partner and the connection you share.
This mental shift can help reduce anxiety and improve your ability to stay in the moment, ultimately aiding in lasting longer.
Keep in mind, mindfulness is a skill that improves with practice, so be patient with yourself as you develop this technique.
3) Strengthen your pelvic floor
Have you ever considered the role of your pelvic floor muscles in sexual performance?
Strengthening these muscles can significantly improve your endurance. Kegel exercises, which involve contracting and relaxing the pelvic floor muscles, are an excellent way to increase your control over ejaculation.
To locate these muscles, try stopping the flow of urine when you’re using the bathroom—those are your pelvic floor muscles. Once you’ve identified them, practice squeezing and holding for a few seconds before releasing.
Repeat this exercise several times a day.
For additional support, you might consider using a pelvic floor trainer like the Elvie Trainer, which offers biofeedback to help guide your exercises and improve your results.
4) Experiment with different techniques
Variety is the spice of life, and it applies to intimacy as well. Trying new techniques can help you discover what works best for prolonging your sexual experience.
For instance, consider incorporating different types of touch, such as light caresses or firmer pressure, to explore what feels pleasurable and sustainable for both you and your partner.
You might also experiment with varying your rhythm and pace, alternating between fast and slow movements to maintain control.
Remember, though, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, so feel free to be playful and creative in your exploration.
The key is to find what resonates with you and your partner, making the experience enjoyable and long-lasting.
5) Explore the art of communication
In my experience, open communication with your partner can be one of the most powerful tools for enhancing sexual satisfaction.
Talking about what you enjoy, what you need, and how you can both feel more connected can transform your experience. Share your thoughts and listen to your partner’s desires.
This dialogue can help alleviate pressure and create a more relaxed atmosphere. For example, you might agree to slow down the pace or experiment with different positions that help prolong the experience.
Communication fosters trust and intimacy, which are essential for a satisfying sexual relationship. So, don’t shy away from these conversations—they can lead to a more fulfilling connection for both you and your partner.
Lasting longer is about connection, not perfection
Let’s be real—lasting longer isn’t just about hitting a magic number or proving something.
It’s about creating an experience where both you and your partner feel satisfied, connected, and cared for. The techniques we’ve shared aren’t about pressure or performance; they’re about giving yourself the tools to stay in control and make intimacy more enjoyable for both of you.
Remember, it’s okay if it takes time to find what works for you. Whether you’re trying the stop-start method, focusing on your breathing, or experimenting with edging, the key is patience and consistency.
Most importantly, talk openly with your partner—they’re likely more understanding than you think. Make this journey something you work on together, rather than a solo struggle.
Keep in mind that intimacy is about quality, not just quantity. And if things don’t go perfectly tonight, that’s okay—it’s all part of the learning curve. So take the pressure off, relax, and remember that the real goal is to create moments of connection and mutual pleasure.
When you’re both enjoying the experience, you’ve already won.
Lila Anderson is an intimacy expert providing accessible and inclusive education on sexual health and relationships. Known for her engaging and down-to-earth approach, Lila has worked with individuals, schools, and community organizations to foster informed, open conversations. She wants to empower people with the knowledge they need to make confident, healthy decisions, and to create a world where everyone feels equipped to explore and understand their sexuality and relationships. Although she’s still in her 3rd year of practice, she has been well-loved by her friends and acquiantances for being so relatable and down to earth.
